cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
