Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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