also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
