yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
