what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
