so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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