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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Come over? It's my birthday

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  How many times has that text failed you tonight?

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  so I ended up banging her last night

  (1-414): View more from Wisconsin

  dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i don't even remember

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  How was your weekend?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I THINK I SHARTED

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in

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• (585): View more from New York

  I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds

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