its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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