I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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