Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
