I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
