The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
