I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
