We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
