Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
