i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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