She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
