Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
