She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
