She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
