i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
