OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
