Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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