I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
