Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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