he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
