i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
