What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You were trust falling into bushes
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
