i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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