youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
