All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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