My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
