I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
