No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
