Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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