oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
