Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
