I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
