Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
