i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
