The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
