With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
