Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
