haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
