dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
