I feel great
I just peed on a car
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
