How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
