Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
