If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Boobs speak an international language.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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