hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
